Memory

As a kid, I loved Spring. The cow pasture with the woods and creek had the most beautiful wildflowers that would bloom from April-May-June. I would lie down, nestled among Black-Eyed Susans, Daisies, Queen Anne's Lace, Wild Irises, Bluebells, Foxgloves, and tiny, blue star flowers, and watch the clouds go by - bees buzzed around me from flower to flower and white and yellow butterflies flitted about, sometimes landing on my tummy if I was still enough. I remember talking to them and telling them how beautiful they were. There is a tender hum of peace when you are in a place like that, where everything makes sense.

nap dream

As soon as I got off work, I felt so tired, so I took a nap at 6pm and just woke up from a very real dream. I had a dream that I was at my old house in Missouri, but it looked different. It had the same yard, but it was taller and more narrow and there were more houses around instead of the cow pasture. I went inside, and there was a tour going on, someone was explaining the history of the house and the history of the town. There was a picture of a man beside a piano in the front landing and the tour lady said there was a rumor that a ghost lived in the house, and only special people could see him. She said that there were rumors that he had been murdered for his abilities, and that is why he was a ghost. Just then, I knew that I would soon see him. I could sense his presence as I toured the house. I saw him in the attic; he came from behind a corner and just looked at me, and he was sad, very sad. I spoke to him and told him to not be sad anymore, that I knew what happened to him, and I was sorry that it happened to him. I felt like my heart was breaking for him, and I could feel all of his sorrow. I wasn't scared at all. Then I heard piano music again and I knew it was him and somehow the music meant he was free. Then I woke up. I can still see his sad face after I woke up - he was from the late 1800s. 

I am not sure if this is a shadow work dream, or something else. Well, definitely there is a lot of details in my dreams; they feel like movies, so real and immersive. And it is only 9:20pm, o my, still more sleep ahead of me.

dream

 In my dream, I was pregnant (immaculate conception), and then I had a boy baby. I went from having a pregnant belly to giving birth without pain in less than an hour. I was walking around topless nursing him. I could smell honey. Then he looked at me with ancient, knowing eyes that saw straight through to my soul and said in a man's voice, "it's time" and then I looked up into the heavens and expected to be taken away soaring up into another dimension like before. But then I was another person in a warzone, and had to hide inside of a giant beehive. I was as small as the bees and was helping them build honeycomb by stacking it like lincoln logs.

snake dream

 I had a dream that I was lying in the grass, and a green snake slithered towards me, and went through my shirt sleeve, across my chest, and then out my shirt neck hole, touching my throat. It looked deeply and lovingly into my eyes and I was not scared, and then it slithered away. Then another snake came from the opposite direction, twice as big, green with darker stripes. It had big eyes and crawled across my stomach. I wasn't scared. It felt like a friend. Then I got up and went into a hot kitchen and started making a raspberry fruit tart. I didn't have the right ingredients or items needed. I looked in all the cupboards and drawers for a knife and a cooking rack and a chopping board and couldn't find anything, but somehow I was putting a fruit tart in the oven. Like it magically appeared there because I didn't give up looking for all the stuff I needed. Then I took it out of the oven and it smelled really good and I knew it would be delicious.

I have never had a snake dream before.

My friend died

 I felt tethered today

Tethered to the ground

unable to bounce, to fly

Strangely disconnected from my body.

I hugged a rock and layed in the grass

I said, "ok, I will rest in you."

I felt pain and sorrow and deep fatigue. 

I felt my heart beat so fast and like I couldn't breathe,

And then I felt my heart beat, and beat, and beat

And beat.

dream

 I had a very strange dream and honestly I feel like it is more and more disorienting to wake up and determine if what happened was real or just a dream. In my dream, I was in my room. A big, white glowing rat ran out from under my bed but I wasn't scared. I looked up and saw a demon in the corner of my room watching me. I started chanting at it and rebuking it, and it shriveled up like a mummy until it was smaller than the rat. I was floating in the corner of the ceiling at this point, looking down at the shriveled demon until it disappeared. Then I woke up and I saw a black sphinx-like cat with big alien orb eyes watching me from my bedroom door frame--it looked like those Egyptian cat statues with long pointy ears and neck, except it had orb eyes. Was I actually awake or still asleep?!? The cat wasn't scary and I felt protected by it. It felt like a test for how I handled the rat and the demon. 

My dreams keep getting more and more vivid. 

dream

 I had the most intense dream that really felt real. I was in a huge, old library with tall windows three stories high. Outside the window, I could see the universe, and planets falling apart, with ash dripping down into the sky. I heard a voice say, "It's time now." There was a soundless thunder snap that ended everything. And then I flew up, faster than light, through realms and dimensions made of gossamer and silk and hazy clouds, webs and lace of silver and I kept going faster and faster up up up and then I closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was sitting in the most beautiful sunshine cafe, with a perfect orange on a plate before me. I peeled the orange and ate a piece, and said, "this is the most delicious orange I ever tasted." Then I woke up and it was super disorienting that I was in my bed.