Are You Lost?

 "Are you lost?"

I look down, and see a young boy, maybe 7, twirling around in the ocean water near me. I look at him, after looking at the vastness of the ocean, the vastness of the future of my life, and I answer, "No, I'm not lost." I say it with a smile. The ocean laps at my waist. I'm not lost. 

he says, "you should twirl like a mermaid like me!" and he twirls around in the water. I laugh, but I stand as I am. I am doing what I need to do. Standing with both feet solid, with waves coming and going. I am exactly perfect in the not knowing. 

After I settle back on my towel, he looks over at me and gives me the thumbs up sign every so often. It's fun to make unexpected friends at the beach, and the angel sight of children is a wonder to behold, as is the discovery that all the things I thought I didn't know or maybe lost are more golden and sure than I ever imagined. I just needed the question asked to show me my own knowing. 

Dream 6-12

 Last night I had a dream I was standing in a small circle of people, and it was quiet and solemn. It was some kind of special meeting. Someone on my right put an arm around my shoulder to pull me closer in and I put my head on that person's shoulder and allowed myself that brief moment to take some strenth in. Then I was on a huge cruise ship and a crowd of people were laughing and eating and not noticing icebergs all around, white ice shores and an icy sea with waves hundreds of feet high. The ship was going to crash and sink and I knew I was going to die trying to stop it but I also knew that was why I was there. As soon as I said in my heart, "it's ok, I know this is why I am here" then I was in a room and someone gave me a golden crystal cup with beautiful cursive words engraved in it and I can only remember a little bit of the words:  "all the light you cannot see is all the light you need." Someone with a deep low voice I couldn't see said, "thank you for following thru. You made a difference."

June 4 - Dream

Last night, I had a dream I was riding the tallest roller coaster in the world. To get to it, I had to climb up this white, metal ladder, miles up, and at the top, I was above the clouds and it was only white. It didn't make sense to me with the harnesses, because there were none and it was just a boxed metal floor and sides with no top and no locks to keep people safe. There were 3 other people standing in there with me, and the ride started and I was holding the metal bars closed to keep everyone from falling out. We were spinning and looping around in the white. I woke up soooo sore and almost crying with how tight my back was between my shoulder blades. Then I thought, what if the whole point of the ride was to "let" people fly? All this time, I just don't trust that I can or that others can. There is something deep and protective between my shoulder blades and I'm tryin so hard to let it let go and let my wings grow. They are like ingrown nubbins now, no wonder it hurts when I try to do anything brave.

Peace

 Interesting conversation this morning, comparing how some greetings literally mean "May you have peace" or "peace to you" instead of "good morning." May we have peace and in finding that, the good. And to allow the space of the morning to not be "labeled" or branded as good, because you can be in a storm and still be at peace. Peace isn't about avoidance.

-This painting is from a hard time in my life, but I have found peace. I am grateful for the strength I found through that storm.