Last night, I had a dream I was riding the tallest roller coaster in the world. To get to it, I had to climb up this white, metal ladder, miles up, and at the top, I was above the clouds and it was only white. It didn't make sense to me with the harnesses, because there were none and it was just a boxed metal floor and sides with no top and no locks to keep people safe. There were 3 other people standing in there with me, and the ride started and I was holding the metal bars closed to keep everyone from falling out. We were spinning and looping around in the white. I woke up soooo sore and almost crying with how tight my back was between my shoulder blades. Then I thought, what if the whole point of the ride was to "let" people fly? All this time, I just don't trust that I can or that others can. There is something deep and protective between my shoulder blades and I'm tryin so hard to let it let go and let my wings grow. They are like ingrown nubbins now, no wonder it hurts when I try to do anything brave.
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