Soft

 My greatest lesson in life to learn is this....how to remain strong and soft in equal measure. 

In my latter years, I am learning my strength. 

I am very, very soft, and honestly, I run far away when people hurt me. I've always been a very "all in" type of person. If I let you in, my heart and soul is all in. Any harsh words or anything cruel done, is deeply taken in - after the wound, I run far away, the heart and soul part of me, where I can never be hurt that way again. While I may stay physically present and even cordial or friendly, deep inside myself, I've left you. Especially after unnecessary words or actions of cruelty.

I am still learning how to navigate this, and perhaps it is just another layer of my realization of how far I have left to mature spiritually, etc. 

These are things I haven't quite figured out yet. I am FAR, FAR, Far from a perfect person. Perhaps this is one of my flaws as a person. 

I am both the soft underbelly of a deer and the fangs of a wolf who isn't snarling at you, but has the teeth to tear asunder but doesn't. And never would. In a sassy moment, I might flash you a toothy smile and then tell you a poop joke. 

I know I desire to love deeply (and be loved in return!!!), but if I am hurt, I will "meep meep" away faster than the Roadrunner in the Looney Tunes cartoons. And no coyote will ever catch me because I run hella fast... 

- and goodbye inside of myself I will go. 

If TMI, scroll on. But I think this may be more common than most will admit. The lesson is to learn how to keep on with softness AND strength....how to remain trusting and soft, but wise. Maybe there is no easy answer. 

Edit: This post isn't about forgiveness, because you can absolutely(!!) forgive, but also never put yourself where your energy isn't valued, respected, or appreciated. The strong part of me has embraced this last bit...I have recognized when my energy and self isn't treated right, and can finally take the measures to create the boundaries needed for my own health and strength---took 35 years, lol!!! You don't have to let everyone in deeply and you can absolutely remove those who don't treat you well.